if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
