Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
