..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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