why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
