i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
