is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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