I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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