This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
