Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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