I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
