remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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