This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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