Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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