someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
