I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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