in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
