3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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