normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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