At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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