pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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