If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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