my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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