i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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