this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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