Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
