Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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