dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
