It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
