I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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