hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
