Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
