You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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