Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
