i don't like sucking hair
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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