U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I party with great urgency now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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