Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
