Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
