Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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