Ambien. No doubt about it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
