i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
