im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
