Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
