"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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