take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
