do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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