Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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