spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
