wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
