R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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