your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
