You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
