apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
