I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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