I skipped work to stalk him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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