umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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