Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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