don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
