Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
