Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
