just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
