at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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